| My World...Take Two | |||
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::I am 5.4.04 ( 23:37 ) * How is it possible to go through an entire day interacting with people, some of them people you love dearly, and not feel like you were actually with any of them? I'm pretty lonely right now. But sometimes God shows His love in unexpected ways. I sat down at the computer in my aunt's room to write this entry, wishing I had finished painting my room so I had someplace to go and cry in peace, and Ivy, our three year old black lab, crawled into my lap (yes, she is entirely too big to get away with that) while I was typing and just chilled with me, licked my cheek, but just cuddled with me, not being the hyperactive nuisance she normally is. Some days it hurts. Some days I find myself here, not knowing the words to say, just sighing and crying and not sure how I'd answer if someone actually asked me "how are you?", not "how's it going?" or "how's life?"...Sometimes the right question is all it takes and most of the time I'm discovering that the right question doesn't get asked. And some days I'm wondering if that's such a bad thing. I'm reading Leviticus now. And the first verse of the first chapter is "And the Lord called to Moses and spoke to him, saying" and I read this chunk of commentary by a Jewish rabbi that lingered on the fact that two verbs were used and the prepositional phrases attached to them ("called to Moses", "spoke to him") and the intimacy, the familiarity that it spoke of...I want that...and if being lonely so I run to God and ask Him to hold me is what it takes... Song of the Night (because of course such "deep" thoughts call for song lyrics...): Surrender By Marc James I'm giving You my heart and all that is within I lay it down for the sake of You my King I'm giving You my dreams, I'm laying down my rights I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life And I surrender all to You, all to You And I surrender all to You, all to You I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross And all the world holds dear I count it all as loss For the sake of knowing You For the glory of Your name To know the lasting joy Even sharing in Your pain And I surrender all to You, all to You And I surrender all to You, all to You ::Val:: |
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